#hisnhers #hersnhers #hisnhis #loveislove
One day it will just be #ours with no need for “coming out”
Twas my anniversary. I have officially been married to TH for 12 years! How a Blue Ribbon holds on to a Trophy I have no clue, but I’ve fooled him for this long so if I keep going as I’m going I should be good for a few more years.
Every year, TH and I have a state of the union. The state of our union lately has been about me having food crusted somewhere on my face, spilled mocha on my white t-shirt and my excessive use of our quarters to vaccum my car…to which then he corrected to “our” car…to which I then corrected to “your” car since he paid for it…so I’m taking time out of MY busy day to vacuum YOUR car, honey.
In other words, things are status quo. I see no need to discuss the Union’s economy; but since he’s in finance (pronounced fin-ANCE), I can’t avoid that topic and my silly pronounciation of it does not deter him from entering into the convo.
Finances with summer camps coming up is a tough one. I pulled out my spreadsheet detailing which camps all versions were going to and how much each one cost. Said spreadsheet was then “marked up” (aka half the camps were crossed out, especially the one week were 1.0 was overlapping with 2 camps…it made sense at the time).
To start taking the focus away from finances, I then proceeded to tell TH that for our anniversary I bought something really “cute” for later. He laughed and said, “Yeah I saw the $200 pair of jeans in our closet, you need to return those.”
Fine, let’s celebrate by going out for wings and seeing Guardians of the Galaxy 2. That’s a BRW’s real version of “something cute for later.” Sold.
Four years ago, TH and I found out we were downloading 3.0.
So Mother’s Day become a bit more sentimental to me because of that faint little plus sign. And every year, we get a little nostalgic and TH says to me, “Let’s do it again. Let’s have 4.0.” And then this follows:
I shall be in bed, watching Love Actually, holding court. The children may come in once and pay their respects.
The Shiksa gets a lot of attention in our society. We all have those Hebrew school friends we grew up with that ended up marrying a non Jewish girl…(insert whisper: the shiksa). And I’m not sure if there is an equivalent to the non Jews for a boy who marries a Jewish girl…I think that’s just because they don’t have the benefit of a secret language like Yiddish. But luckily, there is a name for Trophy Husband among the Jews. He’s a shaygetz – a non Jewish boy married to a Jewish girl…(insert whisper: oy vey).
Shaygetz don’t get as much attention as shiksas. I think that has something to do with the fact that the Jewish grandmothers are content knowing a Jewish woman is still in the kitchen (they clearly don’t know me). But man, being a Jewish girl and marrying outside the tribe has resulted in some doozies. Like the time I received a Hanukkah gift from TH’s relative that was a porcelain soap dispenser in the shape of a Christmas tree. Or when TH received a book wrapped in this:
Actually, this was the paper on a gift to TH from my mom who was giving him a Christmas present. She was trying to “be Christmas-y.” He saw it and said, “That’s the most goyishe wrapping paper I’ve ever seen.” (side note: definition of goyishe)
I’ve also noticed the quite pleasant tradition of walking into any dinner party and immediately being handed an alcoholic drink rather than a knish. Priorities. And imagine my excitement when we had this for dinner one night:
I mean, I had NO idea it was actually a spiral until I saw it in person. I literally yelled across the room to TH and said, “OMG it really is a spiral!” Get that shaygetz more alcohol and give that girl a knish to shut her up!
While we are talking about food, be careful about talking about food. An announcement was made at a Shabbat dinner where TH’s relative announced her rolls were so good because she made them with lard. Um…if it ain’t Fleischmann’s…it ain’t Kosher. I jest…but not really.
I personally think TH handles being a shaygetz pretty well. Most people think he’s Jewish anyway. He doesn’t have a workbench in our garage (as he shouldn’t, he’s trophy), he likes gefilte fish (ugh), and he enjoys using the term “chutzpah” in a sentence…but who doesn’t?!
We’ll see if he ever converts. He’s considering it, mostly because he really wants to have a Bar Mitzvah (Mazel Tov!) so he can have a Bar Mitzvah party in Las Vegas (such mishegoss).
How is everybody feeling tonight?
Been awhile since I’ve written…a lot can happen in 2+ years: one can graduate from an LLM program, start a new job, sell a house/move into a temporary house, go out without kids for new year’s eve for the first time in 9 years, and then watch pigs fly…I mean witness the Presidential Inauguration of Donald J. Trump.
I truly don’t like to speak to such heavy topics. So instead, I’ll tell you a story about ordering a cake for a birthday party.
Set the scene: Me, standing at the local supermarket bakery counter, flipping through the theme options booklet.
A woman approaches and states, “Can I help you with your cake order?”
“Yes, that would be great. I’m looking for the theme ‘Lion Guard,’ do you have that?”
“How would I know? I don’t make the cakes…I know nothing about the cakes.”
“Oh, so when you asked if you could help me, you were kidding?” Weird sense of humor this one.
She then proceeds to walk behind the counter…to the area where they make the stuff, pics up a photograph that must have been sitting on the counter and says, “You put this here? This is your picture?”
“Uh…no…I don’t go behind the bakery counter uninvited.” But man, now that I know I can…
“Then who put it here?”
Ok naysayers, I can’t bite my tongue any longer. Stop telling people to stop dumping ice water on their heads.
If the real issue is that you are sad you didn’t get challenged and you feel this has something to do with you personally on that front, then consider yourself challenged by the BRW. I don’t want anyone to ever feel left out, even if they are obnoxious and annoying. And I’ll tell you what, there are a few people that if I could dump the ice water on their heads personally, I would donate more money to any cause to do that.
It is not wasting good clean drinking water. I got my water from my hose that my kids were going to waste on their slip ‘n slide anyway. So maybe my slip ‘n slide is wasting water. I’ll give you that. I should probably just have them come inside and play video games for the next 2 hours, that will benefit them and society much more in the long run I’m sure.
Mad because people are giving ALS and Peter Frates credit for the ice bucket challenge concept? Well don’t be because every documentary and legitimate article that has done their research on this has been transparent (as has the Frates family) that they did not originate the concept of the challenge. If anything, they took what was likely stupid shenanigans and made it into something productive. Hm, how often do you get the chance to do that?
This article on Slate.com says “…a lot of the participants are probably spending more money on bagged ice than on ALS research.” That could totally be true. One person may go buy a bag of ice to do this challenge and choose not to donate. If you are trying to state that more money is being spent on ice than money RAISED for ALS research then you are stupid.
I’d also like to address the dangers of pouring ice water over your head. Actually, I don’t want to address that because if you think to make this fun and entertaining or even effective, you need to make sure your bucket is colder than the ice bath Gabrielle Reece dunked herself in, then you deserve a little frostbite to wear as a badge of honor for your stupidity. See above, where you also stated that more money is being spent on ice. But obviously, people, be smart with your body and what it can handle.
Then, there’s those who claim people are just waiting their turn to do something zany and the charity is an afterthought. So maybe that’s true, but did it not result in ALS awareness increasing by over 1000% and raising over $10 million? Can it maybe be okay for a few people to lose the grasp of the concept if it results in even $1 being raised for a charity or one new person becoming aware of a disease they had never heard of? Answer that question and try to see if you can even make yourself say no. And if you can say no, consider yourself kind of an asshole.
You want people to just randomly decide to give money to a cause? If people were capable of that, then none of these are necessary: Obliteride, Race for the Cure, MS Walk, Livestrong, etc. etc. We have our own personal causes but we ask our friends to give to them. We ask and some people answer. It’s how it is, it’s all we can do for each other. Every charity is trying to do something unique and fun and entertaining to get people involved. What’s wrong with that and what the eff is wrong with you?! Eventually, this will die down and the hype will end. Until then, let’s make a little money and have a little fun.
You over the #alsicebucketchallenge? I’m over all the “delicious” kale smoothie recipes saturating my Pinterest feed. At least one of these raised a little bit of cash.
There are two types of sitters:
The kind that puts the toys away from playing, washes the pot of mac n’ cheese, puts the leftovers in the fridge and cleans the dishes from dinner and dessert during the 3 hours they are getting paid $15/hr after the kids are in bed.
And the kind you never call again.
Authorized sales representative for Marshall Pierce & Company, Chicago, Illinois
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Bulletins from the Parenting Trenches...