Top 5 Amendment 1

I’m excited to share some news with you. I am ratifying an amendment to the Top 5.

Like I mentioned with regards to Justin Timberlake, my Top 5 tends to be reconfirmed through my dreams. George Clooney was introduced by way of dream. And I’m noticing a trend as my amendment is being prompted by yet another dream.

Last night, I went prom dress shopping with my date, who happened to be Adam Levine. In a very Pretty Woman way, I got to try on any dress or shoes I wanted. I even miraculously looked hot in everything I tried on (this is where someone appropriately inserts, “in your dreams”). And Adam was so cute and fun. We didn’t even make out, but I could tell he was really into me and excited about the whole going to prom with me scenario. So…he’s in!

Um, NO!
And if I were a 10 year old, this may be my G rated version of Adam.
I’d also like to welcome him as the first Jewish member of the Top 5 (in a group that bears the name Christian and once, Christensen). I knew I’d get back to my roots eventually.
Oh and so the question is, who’s out? Well, since it’s my own personal constitution that I get to amend at will, technically, no one is out because Adam is Amendment 1. However, I wouldn’t be opposed to sticking with the format and having both Brad and George move to “honorary” in order to make room for Adam. 
And then, by the way, my dream was interrupted when Elizabeth Moss came in to try dresses too and I went to say hello and she snubbed me…rude.

Put on your face.

One evening, I had a school meeting to go to. I changed out of my sweatpants, put on a little makeup and some earrings. I came downstairs and my daughter started talking to me as I entered the room. When she turned to look at me to finish her sentence, she stopped dead in her tracks and said, “Are we getting a babysitter or something?”

I really need to wear makeup more often.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Since becoming an adult and then subsequently a mother…actually, that’s the other way around, I’ve noticed some new characteristics, habits and quirks.

1) I grimace when I clean something or take my kids to go potty in a public restroom.

1.5) I call going to the bathroom, going potty whether I’m with my kids or not.

2) Food gets stuck in my teeth more and I use the corner of a sugar packet to try and get it out; which results in wet paper now being stuck in my tooth with the food.

3) I say “Oy” under my breath when I exert any sort of energy (including, but not limited to, walking up the stairs, getting into my car and climbing into bed).

4) I constantly pick up my daughter’s pants/skirts so her tushy crack isn’t showing. (And then I say, “Oy”)

4.5) Whenever my son spills his milk, which is almost every morning, I say, “No use crying over it.” and then I proceed to laugh. Every. Single. Time.

5) Every morning before leaving the house, I pack a little bag with 2 of every kind of snack…but 50% of the time I forget to bring the bag with me (and similar to the effectiveness of Sex Panther, that 50% of the time my kids want a snack…every time).

6) I spell things out in conversations with adults so my kids don’t understand, and I’ve gotten so good that the adults usually have no idea what the word is.

6.5) Once, while standing with my parents and sisters, I said to my sisters in front of everyone, “Should we give Mom and Dad their anniversary g-i-f-t?” To which my mom replied, “We can spell.”

7) I go to return clothes and I forget to bring the clothes (this applies to all types of returns).

8) I talk to myself out loud in both private and public, and even make myself laugh.

9) When I had left my wallet at home and I promised my kids Wendy’s, I went to the bank and convinced the teller to withdraw $20 from my account with no I.D. (Begs the question, why didn’t I just go home to get my wallet? The bank was closer and I’m that lazy.)

10) I call everyone in my house by someone’s name who lives in the house, just not their own (dog included and actually, used the most).

As I reflect on my life, I realize, I have officially become my mother.
Thank G-d!!!

Happy Mother’s Day to my mommy and to all the women who do their best to raise decent, honorable and kind human beings.

May 5th

My awesome handyman (“M”), when “caught” by my husband working on a Sunday a few months ago:

Husband: Oh, I didn’t realize you would be here today working, it’s Sunday.
M: Yeah, man. I work every day…every day except Cinco de Mayo.


Hope you had a great Cinco de Mayo (and coincidentally on a Sunday), M!