No, not a Prius. Not a car at all. Words. Hybrid words. I have a bizarre disdain for them. I have no idea where this passionate dislike stems from. I do know that I discovered this distaste when introduced to the word “ridonculous.” And ha! Spell check doesn’t even have a correction for that because IT’S A STUPID WORD!!!!! Who coined it? I need to know. I’m gonna do some research, I’ll be right back.

Oh wait, turns out it’s “ridonkulous.” Even dumber because this implies something to do with a donkey and there is nothing that has to do with a donkey here unless you are discussing what a jack ass of a word it is. At least some hybrid words are an actual combination of 2 words that have a relationship. Like “ginormous.” OMG, I literally gag when I write or read these. I mean, the definition says ginormous is circa 1948. Loss of respect immediately for that generation…no need for that RIDICULOUSNESS.

Staycation – no.

Fantabulous – no.

Chillax – don’t ever say this to me.

Liger – well, that’s just freakin’ funny.

Yes, I did once, in a post, use the term “hangry.” Let me be clear, I did not coin that term, nor do I support it. I was merely giving a shout out to a friend. It actually gives me a feeling in my mouth that is a combination of hair and metal from a hanger. So clearly, it goes on the list.

Now this all being said, you may have noticed I like to use words that are not necessarily official words, such as heinosity. This is totally different. I don’t mind new words as long as they are not ridonkulous hybrids.

Feel free to let me know of any others I missed (any that you like or share a disdain for); although I need some time to prepare Trophy Husband for the amount of vomit that will spew as I read each word.

Monday: Go ahead, talk to me. Ask me anything. I’m quick, witty, intelligent and intuitive.

Tuesday: WTF? How much time and money did I spend on college and law school and for what?

Wednesday: Phew, a little relieved, a little revived. Still tough, I’m no genius and still can’t get on Jeopardy, but I’m no fool.

Thursday: Talking to my therapist about everything my parents did wrong.

Friday & Saturday: Drunk and toasting Will Shortz himself.

Sunday: Fuck You.

#NewYorkTimesCrossword

Monday:

Sunday:

1.0 and I were on a flight from Seattle to Denver last weekend. The flight attendant and her cart were about a row ahead of ours when some big unexpected turbulence began. The captain turned on the seatbelt sign and asked the flight attendants to take their seats. Do you agree that you always feel a little more scared when they say that? Anyway, the flight attendant locked the cart and took a seat, there happened to be an empty aisle seat right next to her cart.

Couple things so far: have you EVER seen a flight attendant sit in a passenger seat like that? Also, she locked and kept the cart in the aisle. I’m thinking that’s just not a good idea during turbulence. But ok.

Then the person who’s empty seat that was came back from the bathroom, a young woman and her 6 month old baby. I’m pretty sure she was a little nervous to be in the bathroom with her baby during that jolt but to come back and see you can’t get to your seat because the cart and flight attendant are occupying it probably didn’t make her feel any better. The cart truly was before the horse’s ass in this case. The flight attendant shot up and said, “The captain told me to take a seat, so I sat.”

Actually, the captain told you to take your seat, not a seat, but semantics.

So she got up, gave the woman her seat, locked the cart and then was gone. I was pissed. Why would she walk all the way back to her seat and leave a heavy cart with coffee and drinks right in the aisle during turbulence. Then the passenger next to me tapped my shoulder and said, “Just so you know, the flight attendant is sitting on the floor in the aisle next to the cart.” UM…..

Both T.H. and one of my best friends asked me if I took a picture…FFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’ve been known for pausing the TiVo on ridiculous frames by coincidence. To name a couple: a topless male vampire slayer from Vampire Diaries tied to a bed (sadly, not of Ian) and a vagina from Orange is the New Black. Unfortunately, I don’t have proof of the aforementioned still frames. But I wised up for my most recent TiVo pause and took a picture of the frame I was lucky enough to capture:

I pause the TV to either pish (a total inconvenience) or get dessert (a pleasure). This particular moment was to actually go do both. But I was immediately sidelined when I saw this still frame (as were many of the Broncos or Ravens I’m sure). I took a picture and promptly sent it to Trophy Husband. He’s at the game so I ASSUME he doesn’t have the pleasure of this view. TiVo gets extra props for the bottom line.

Note: All puns intended.

But don’t worry, after I sent this, I immediately sent him a picture of 3.0 from our ultrasound this week.

I gotta go, I really need to pishi and get some ice cream.

Well I, for one, am very happy to start the year anew. Good ol’ 5774 for my tribal members. Tonight we’ve got the Broncos v. Ravens as the NFL season opener in Denver…ignore those of us davening during halftime. (Ha, autocorrect wanted to change that word to “raven-ing”…um, not cool to us Jewish Broncos fans, although hopefully that’s what the Broncos do to the birds tonight!)

But for this Israelite tribe member, there are even more exciting things for this coming new year: I am officially back on the Starbucks mocha track. (see Happy Mother’s Day…Again!)

There is a bit of a tweak, the pregpocalypse mocha entails 2% milk and whipped cream (don’t EVER judge a pregnant person for her whipped cream). Speaking of whipped cream, I find it makes sense to always have it on hand. I may not have milk, bread or eggs, but whipped cream is a staple in this household. And with the weather out here turning all Fall on me immediately after Labor Day, this version of my daily mocha feels appropriate. So now I can officially wallow in the Seattle overcast with my cliche (honestly, can’t figure out how to put the stupid accent over the e here) Starbucks.

Luckily, because of my rule that pregnant people do not fast, I will be enjoying this mocha on Yom Kippur as well…repenting as I drink.

And in all seriousness, L’Shana Tovah.

Exactly! It just occurred to me. The game, Trivial Pursuit, is exactly that. I all of a sudden feel so much better. For the longest time I was so passionately against the game Trivial Pursuit. I just never won and it pissed me off.  Yes, I get competitive and like to win, but usually I am a good sport.  NOT with Trivial Pursuit.  I felt stupid playing it and was annoyed that people would gloat over knowing some completely random facts that mean nothing to anyone unless they are playing Trivial Pursuit. So I was against playing it. Wouldn’t do it. Couldn’t handle the gloating, the constant rejection. But mostly, I hated not being able to get one of those pies out when you accidentally put it in the wrong way! But now that it has totally occurred to me that the makers of the game named it as such so that someone like me would understand that it’s trivial, worthless information that people win with, it’s official…I still won’t play the fucking game.