Take advantage of “the man”.

I like being a chick. Then again, I don’t know what it’s like to be a dude. But regardless, I think men have figured out some pretty neat tricks to getting by in life and I see no reason why women can’t also take advantage of these little secrets. So I vow (when age appropriate for each item) to teach my daughter how to take advantage of these little secrets.

1. Make #2 work for you. Any bathroom excursion entailing #2 must last at the minimum 15 minutes (regardless of actual extraction time). Men caught on to this years ago. I’m not sure why women haven’t; and instead why we take pride in how fast we can take a shit (personally I can do it faster than peeing sometimes).

2. Stand up for yourself. Well, we can’t really pee standing up. But a nice alternative is to learn how to squat. When my mom was going abroad, I bought her some disposable pee funnels so she could pish standing up if ever in a precarious situation. Click here and here for some visuals if you dare.

3. The Man Side Pick. Men have this amazing way of picking their noses so it can be done in public. I call it the “side pick.” It’s where you take your thumb and pointer finger and slightly graze the inside of the nostril with your thumb nail toward the pointer finger. It’s genius.

4. Quote the movie. Caddy Shack. Anchorman. Holy Grail. Top Secret. Just to name a few. This list could go on and on. Know these movies, quote these movies, love these movies. So when you are walking into a party and people are introducing themselves/shaking hands and you bust out with, “Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor…” (click) you have instant self entertainment.

5. Men’s deodorant. That is all about that one.

What are some of your favorite male secrets to life. I’m always looking for more to instill upon 1.0.

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