OMG, you can’t imagine my relief today! It just occurred to me that I’m totally in the clear with the Princeton Mom. Well, shoot, not totally in the clear but I’ll explain. I realized that I got my MRS degree while attending college…in other words, I went to college and conquered by finding a husband. I mean, it was touch and go for awhile there. I was thinking pre-med but quickly realized how ridiculous that would be and instead chose the obvi choice of Communications Studies…which essentially is an MRS, right?! It was a BS degree…no literally, it was a Bachelor of Science.

Anyway, I should be her example to all. Not only did I land a husband, I landed myself a TROPHY husband. Yay me! #thatshowwedo. It’s a bit of a bummer that she leaves out the heterosexual male population and isn’t encouraging them to land that perfect Blue Ribbon Wife. I would be offended, but she’s very clear on who her audience is. Her message is one of cows and milk, producing it and giving it out for free. “I’ve got nipples, Greg, could you milk me?” She’d be really pissed at my R U Nursing? post where I maybe imply that I’m nursing TH. While we are on the subject of giving milk out for free, I wonder if I should be charging 3.0 for my breast milk…shoot, gotta look into that.

Here’s the problem though. I don’t want anyone to blow my cover that we actually waited until 5 years out of college to get married so we could explore different cities, get graduate degrees, travel and give TH some time to scout out any other trophies or ribbons that may be out there. I know, Susan, I could have lost him to someone else in that time. Then again, I’m starting to remember that one guy that was totally into me post-college that lived in the penthouse of the Hancock building….No! No! Stick to college, that’s where all the good ones are! Marry Smart! That’s the name of her book and I’m so glad it has such a self-explanatory title…it will really help all those ditzy ivy league coeds from marrying dumb.

Because I consider myself a bit of a protege of hers, I’m trying really hard to resist the urge to call BS on her (no, not the Bachelor of Science this time, the actual bullshit). I think this woman figured out a way get her 15 minutes of fame (literally, i think it was 15 minutes). No one knew who she was. Now, she gets to get made fun of on Jon Stewart and the BRW is writing a post in her honor! She’s hit the big time. Btw, Jon Stewart for President.

For argument’s sake, let’s say she’s really got a handle on reality. She’s not the first to hold a more “traditional” opinion on the strategies of how to find a mate. Remember “The Rules”? Those women didn’t have the benefit of social media to propel them into our lives without our consent when they first came out with their clearly helpful and empowering ideas. I think they are doing pretty well regardless. And as a Comm Studies major, never have I ever done a presentation on their book. Hm…do you think I’m gonna drink?