I’m from Omaha, Nebraska.

Let me go ahead and answer all the questions you can’t help yourself from asking the moment you hear that.

I did not grow up on a farm and did not work on a farm, therefore, am not a farmer.

I do not know how to husk corn. I actually don’t know what it means to husk corn. If it has something to do with shucking corn, I still don’t know what it means.

I am a Nebraska Cornhusker fan (still don’t know what a “cornhusker” is as stated above)…as are 99% of Nebraskans, people married to Nebraskans and people who have ever been to Lincoln’s Memorial Stadium on football Saturday.

I have not gone cow tipping…and by the way, no one has.

Cows do not roam in my backyard (remember when I said I don’t live on a farm?).

Yes, Nebraska is flat (but not really) and if it was the worst part of your drive from Chicago to San Francisco then I’m pretty sure you were asleep through Nevada.

No, I’m not a Sooner fan. I’m not from Oklahoma. I’m from Omaha. They are not the same place despite how many times my luggage has flown to Oklahoma City instead of Omaha.

I’ve never seen a tornado. When those sirens go off, I tend to err on the side of taking shelter in my basement…call me conservative.

Yes, I’ve heard of the song from Counting Crows and you can stop singing it. Actually, it’s a great freakin’ song so sing away.

Omaha is somewhere in middle America (keep singing). It’s in the state of Nebraska. Don’t ever tell a Midwesterner again that you don’t know where their state is. We know where your state is…bitch (just pretend Jesse Pinkman said that).

I’m from the city (in response solely to people from Nebraska but not from Omaha).

Peyton Manning does say “Omaha” a lot…and we all smile a little when he does.

There’s more. I’m also Jewish. Crazy talk…Jews in Nebraska? As Tevye said, “Unheard of, absurd.” I should be able to check a box under the minority section of applications for this anomaly.

Regardless of the fact that I spent the first 8 years of my life in another state (one that if I had stayed in would likely have failed to teach me the geographic location of all 50 states…see Jesse Pinkman above), I always say I’m from Nebraska…mostly because I went through puberty there. And let’s be honest, I have now created a bit of diversity to your acquaintances. You too can now be proud to say you know someone from Ohio…you mean Omaha.

Much love to my peeps in tornado valley. May your sunsets be beautiful, your humidity fall below 90%, your black ice be visible, your football team win and your corn continue to be used for…well, everything.